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Friday, 22 February 2013

Irene Michael: KIM KAR-DASh-IAM, The Child With The Golden Thing


Once upon a time, in faraway America, there lived a boy and a girl. They were so bored on one particular day and decided to copulate. The boy smiled and brought out his camera while the girl responded with a devilish smile. As they made out, he recorded and recorded until the recording device ran out of battery life. While they were in that room, boredom walked in and they did something that would change their lives forever. Or perhaps, change the girl’s life forever.

They put their private act on the internet!

Their act became an American hit and later, a global hit. People complained and cursed the day they put their nonsense everywhere. Their act attracted gargantuan downloads. They were that good.


It was rumoured all over the globe that that kind of act was super. “She can move her boy like a snake.” some affirmed. “If I catch her,” others boasted. To engage in personal “hand-outs”, some people watched her to get motivation. Her popularity spread like a bad disease.

This popularity turned her into a star. She began her own reality show. Sport and music stars came around to taste the global gratification she delivered. One of them was deceived and stumbled into a bad romance that led to a seventy-two hour marriage.

Her charm spread to Nigeria, this year. She was invited to an event titled “love like a movie”. She came, saw and conquered the show.
Kardashian broke history! She was paid five hundred thousand dollars to say, “Hey Naija”. Excellent!

There is no problem when we invite guests from the Americas and Europe. It shows that these so-called international guests still see Nigeria as a country worth visiting. And yes, we know how to splash cash on trash.



Questions should be asked at this point: why was she invited? Is there no other Nigerian that could have hosted the show? How did she con a whole country?

Answers: the organizers of the event must have watched the sex tape of this girl and fell in love immediately. Hell, her curvaceous features must have lured one of the Nigerian organizers to call her over. How does one explain the reception and hype she received on and before her arrival?

There are credible Nigerians who could have hosted the show better—Cossy Orjiakor. By all promiscuous standards, our own is the best. The only difference is, we like international things. Or has she no global rating (our sister the internet can help you, jere)? How did we forget to see what God has blessed us with?

International columnists argued that Kim Kar-dash-iam has conned the country dotted with con artists. She has played the role of the cunny man burying another cunny man. Or how can we explain paying a huge some of money to a girl who “showed face”?

Some Nigerian artistes were found frolicking and laughing with this expensive guest. The thing this child carries must have such a strong power. Why couldn’t they ask for a Nigerian or African show host? What is the message we are delivering to the next generation? If you have a thing, use the thing to do the thing and put the thing you’ve done in public? That’s how to become a celebrated star. Is/are there no role model(s) left?

Kim will tell her other friends that Nigeria is a blessed country. Indeed, we are blessed and cursed with some individuals who fail to see the golden thing in doing right always.

By Michael Irene

Anglia Ruskin University,

Cambridge.

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